Forgiveness

This blog isn't here for any reason other than to keep a record for future reference.

Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. I was hurt badly by someone many years ago. I forgave him after quite a while. In my heart, I truly had forgiven him. Recently I learned a few things about his life now that brought back all that hurt and anger. I'm now in a place I don't want to be - a state of unforgiveness. I'm trying very hard to forgive him, and I very much believe that God is helping me with that.

God speaks to us in many different ways. He speaks to us in prayer, in church, through a sermon heard on TV or online, while reading His Word, and even in dreams. God uses different methods to speak to different people. For me, dreams is one of the ways He speaks to me. I'm not talking about hearing a voice or anything like that. It might just be what happens in the dream or how I feel when I wake up from the dream.

A few times recently I've had dreams about the person that hurt me many years ago. Although I've been struggling with unforgiveness, it isn't something I actually think about a whole lot. I'm not dwelling on the resurfaced hurt and anger all day. I generally don't go to bed thinking about it. This is how I know God is working on my heart while I dream. He does it on nights I'm not at all thinking about the person from my past.

The dreams I have aren't anything spectacular, but they're usually quite vivid. When I dream about this person, there is definitely tension when we interact; however, there isn't really any conflict. In the back of my mind when I dream is always what he did to me. I don't have these dreams as if our past never happened, but I do get through the dream without showing him my hurt and anger. When I wake up, my heart feels softer. I don't feel as angry when I wake up, and I tend to go about my day remembering the dream without the hurt and anger resurfacing.

I'm not completely over what he did to me. The hurt and anger are still there but less. It's being chipped away at slowly. My heart wants to completely forgive him again, and I know that will happen over time if I continue to pray for God's help. I can't do it alone, and I won't do it alone. God is with me. He knows my unforgiveness is hurting me more than it's hurting anyone else. It certainly isn't hurting the person who hurt me so long ago.

The Bible says we need to forgive seventy times seven times. I understand what that means more than ever now. It doesn't just mean to forgive the offender if he keeps offending. It also means to forgive every time your heart starts to harden towards that person. This could be a daily thing, and if it is then we're to forgive every single day.

With forgiveness comes freedom. I know someday with God's help I'll be free of the hurt and anger I experienced so long ago.